Ukrainiana

FEMEN Crash Davos Oligarchfest

2012-01-28T21:54:00.005+02:00

Hey Chelsea, wanna hang out with these girls?

Stop Davos! 1 from FEMEN Video on Vimeo.

Stop Davos! 2 from FEMEN Video on Vimeo.

Stop Davos! 3 from FEMEN Video on Vimeo.

It's the freezing boobs v. free borscht economy, stupid!

Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com/192248.html

Few Books, Lots of Booze for Rural Teens

2012-01-15T13:27:00.007+02:00

Try playing the $125/mo English teacher in rural Ukraine.

No castles, no showers, no bidets. No textbooks either.

Well, here’s the consolation prize: booze.

Some bright kids go for the books.

Others don’t. What a great supply of labor migrants for energy-rich Russia and englightened Europe.

The same Europe that pays less for Russia’s gas and values some of Ukraine’s elites so much. Talk about European values.

Luckily, those 45 Ukrainians on board the Costa Concordia have survived. Will the captain apply for asylum? In Russia or Mezhyhirya maybe?

Meanwhile, Tymoshenko’s tigress is expecting. Some French guy did this.

No, he’s not in the government and hasn’t picked up his Légion d'honneur yet:)

Sources:
http://life.pravda.com.ua/society/2012/01/13/92774/
http://tsn.ua/video/video-novini/navchannya-bez-pidruchnikiv.html
http://tsn.ua/video/video-novini/yake-dozvillya-vlashtovuyut-sobi-silski-uchni.html
http://tsn.ua/video/video-novini/angliyska-z-korovami-abo-yak-zaohotiti-vchitisya-progulnikiv.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYwLQDwqDCI
http://tsn.ua/video/video-novini/ulyublenicya-timoshenko-narodit-vid-francuza.html

Is This Tymoshenko’s Suite, Er, Cell?

2012-01-04T09:59:00.006+02:00

Liberté, égalité, bidet!

Not quite as cool as her Koncha-Zaspa place or Yanukovych’s Mezhyhirya principality, huh?

Still pretty upscale by Ukrainian standards.

I mean, if we’re talking about Ukrainians who voted for Tymoshenko only to lose their jobs, homes and savings. They didn’t realize she’d be funneling billions of tax hryvnias into banks, signing scorched earth gas deals and vacationing bigtime.

And when they did, many of them chose not to vote for her again. Game over.

Sure King Yanukovych is making a show of this super-EU-style cell. No mistake about it.

But every time I hear the word torture applied to Queen Tymoshenko, I can’t help crying like North Korea.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2012/01/3/6886292/
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/193151/za_timoshenko_24_chasa_v_sutki_vedetsya_videonablyudenie_svet_v_kamere_ne_gasyat_vlasenko_video

Yanukovych Ducks Unexplained Wealth Question

2011-12-22T10:52:00.003+02:00

Now that she’s done working, he’s all work and no play.

Reporter Mustafa Nayem: I would like to ask you the following question. Today indeed you’ve stated many times that the country’s economy is bad and that indeed people haven’t yet experienced improvements in living standards and that we don’t have money in our budget for Chernobyl and Afghan vets and yet at the same time on a daily basis we all see the circumstances of how your own life in particular is being improved. We see how you’re renting a chopper for a million dollars from a firm that, according to an Ukrayinska Pravda report, belongs to, or is controlled by, your son. We know for a fact that at Mezhyhirya construction is in progress by firms that are controlled by your son. Tell us: Why the disconnect? What’s the secret of your success? Why is it that the country’s doing poorly and you’re doing so fine? Thank you.

President Viktor Yanukovych: Uh…[chuckles]…I’ll tell…I’ll tell you what…uh…what you’re spinning so passionately…uh…it absolutely doesn’t interest me to any great extent. And I’ll tell you the reason for that. Because…I…have very little time, you know, for pleasure. Very little time. Yesterday, for a example, I came home at about 3 a.m., and today I got up at 6 in the morning. Yep. The day before yesterday it was a bit earlier and so on. That’s why I don’t know what easy street you’re talking about, and then you’re discussing my family all the time. I want to tell you I don’t envy you. Hahaha!

Audience: Hahaha!

Yanukovych: Hahaha! You and I know and understand each other well.

Spokeswoman: Next question, please.

Yanukovych: You figure out the rest.

Sometimes his alarm clock goes all jealous on him.

Which is why he doesn’t show up for work until 11 a.m...

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/12/21/6854230/
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/leschenko/4eeb298c40a35/

Is This Tymoshenko’s Infirmary Cell?

2011-12-15T10:56:00.006+02:00

If so, political prisoners have more fun.

Tymoshenko: [...] there have been torture prevention reports by the United Nations Organization that prior to this I was held in conditions that were unacceptable. And that’s why I don't want you putting on a show like this.
1:16-1:28

Student Ihor Indylo, who died in police custody overnight, didn’t have the same torture prevention coverage.

He fell from his bunk right to his death. Three times. It was his third fall that killed him, according to police reports.

What about political prisoner Blagojevich? Does he have a comfy place like Tymoshenko's?

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/12/14/6838233/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSYYNzhTFxY
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/183642/video_kamer_nablyudeniya_rayiotdela_militsii_v_kotorom_umer_igor_indylo_studenta_izbili_srazu_posle

FEMEN Crash Yatsenyuk’s Rent-a-Crowd Rally

2011-12-05T20:46:00.005+02:00

No, they’re not pro-Tymoshenko. They’re against all.

All except the real grassroots protests. That would be the anti-tax code, Chernobyl and Afghan vets crowd.

Looks like the college kids out there were having fun with all the topless ladies around. "Go baby go," they shouted as FEMEN's Inna Shevchenko mounted the Princess Olha Monument. Yeah, what can be a more boring job than waiving those “Front for Change” flags? Unless the change comes with FEMEN!

Well, some people NEVER change.

January

December

Mezhyhirya English.

Why try harder?

Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com/181253.html
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/12/2/6808911/
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/28065/person_id/1.phtml

Donetsk Protesters Overpower Cops, Storm Govt Building

2011-11-29T12:53:00.003+02:00

The foot in the door philosophy at work!

Way to go Donetsk! Vote them in, vote them out.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/189412/razgnevannye_donetchane_taki_vylomali_dver_oga_i_vorvalis_v_zdanie_video

5,000 Fans Rally Outside Lockup as Tymoshenko Turns 51

2011-11-28T12:11:00.011+02:00

"Вітю на нари, Юлю на Канари!" (0:32-0:35)

Ukrainians celebrate opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko birthday from alexey solodunov on Vimeo.

"Put Viktor in jail and Yulia in a fairy tale!" (poetic translation:)

As if 2008-2009 wasn’t enough of a fairy tale. The economy drops 15%, the hryvnia loses 60% of its value. People lose their jobs, savings and homes.

And PM/presidential candidate Tymoshenko loses €100K on a Spain getaway?

Not to mention her gas deal that now has Ukraine (Gazprom’s biggest client ‘10) paying well above the EU spot rates: $414 v. $360-$380. We'd be paying $514 had Yanukovych not won that super-magic gas-for-fleet discount.

Not only have we joined the EU, we’ve gone the extra mile.

So where are we, ladies? Jamaica? Haiti?

Sources:
http://vimeo.com/32764239
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/189365/miting_u_sizo_5_tysyach_storonnikov_gory_tsvetov_i_horovoe_penie_gimna_video http://mignews.com.ua/ru/articles/93629.html
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/27664/person_id/1.phtml
http://focus.ua/

My Blogging Career

2011-11-22T18:12:00.003+02:00

Why blog?

2007-2008: 24,797 visits

2008-2009: 38,626 visits

2009-2010: 45,394 visits

2010-2011: 87,487 visits

Incoming links: NYTimes News Blog Guardian News Blog Kyiv Post Global Voices

What else is there? To me, blogging felt like putting Ukraine on the map. In my own way. On my own time.

And what a time it was! Planting all those red dots in places like the

White House, State Department, House of Representatives/Senate
Parliament of Canada, Privy Council Office of Canada
UN
European Commission, European Parliament
UK Parliament
CIA, FBI, DHS, DOD, NATO, NORAD, NASA
BBC, Bloomberg, Reuters, AFP, Fox News, Al Jazeera, RFERL, VOA
World Bank, IFC, IMF
Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Berkeley, Columbia, MIT, Duke, Oxford, Cambridge
Cuba
North Korea

Not to mention the world’s biggest banks and corporations (another 3K visits).

My YouTube account: 2,522,000 upload views since 2007, of which Gaddafi's 2008 visit to Kyiv has fetched 1,368,000. (I used to upload and translate rafts of news reports back then.)

As you can see, I tweet from time to time, but I don’t blog as much as I used to. Blogging doesn’t pay. Working out does. I lost about 90 pounds last year. Despite all the mess in my country, I feel and look better than ever before.

That’s freedom!

Former Assistant U.S. Attorney: Tymoshenko Was 'Unindicted Co-Conspirator'

2011-11-19T09:43:00.015+02:00

We jail your former PM L = prosecution. You jail your former PM T = persecution.

So being an “unindicted co-conspirator” kind of grants immunity from U.S. prosecution, right?

If you’re one of those lucky “unindicted co-conspirators,” you don’t get 9 years in U.S. jail like your not-so-lucky partner does. You don't even get indicted. Instead, you get full White House and State Department democracy support. Let’s call it “But She's Our Unindicted Co-Conspirator” program. Gaddafi bad, Karimov good.

Well, some U.S. judges beg to differ. To them, blood is definitely thicker than gas.

As the West worships Tymoshenko, her parliamentary bloc sides with the ruling Party of Regions again. This time they pass an election bill that kills two other opposition blocs' chances. Business as usual. The West loves tha t!

Rozkazhyyyyyy...chomuuuuu....teeeeell me whyyyyyy...

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/11/19/6767463/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/11/19/6767482/

Yanukovych Scared, Tymoshenko Stoic as Protests Continue

2011-11-05T10:20:00.007+02:00

Just to be clear: It's anti-Yanukovych protests, not pro-Tymoshenko ones.

Chernobyl vet: Screw them, screw them…they’re sitting up there and torturing these people, these Chernobyl folks. The Chernobyl folks were all there, no...nobody ran away from there, and those bastards up there are hiding their asses. [mumbled fragment] They’ve shipped their kids abroad. How long can they mistreat us like that? Yanukovych, come the fuck out, bitch!

He hears everyone.

Yanukovych: …and I’m being informed by law enforcement that…weapons are being procured inside the country…and an effort is under way to attack authorities. [ …] Already, people have lost everything: both fear and shame. So who’s organizing this? [ …] Not those who are struggling the most. Those who are struggling the most, they remain silent, patient and waiting.

No offense (or should we say no fence?), but do you see anyone waiting here?

Well, there’s one lady who’s waiting.

Tymoshenko: Hold on!

She's not working, but she's definitely Ukraine now.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/186748/chernobyltsy_pod_kabminom_trebuyut_prezidenta_yanukovich_bld_vyhodi_ska_video
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/186760/yanukovich_lyudi_skupayut_orujie_chtoby_napadat_na_vlast_sovsem_strah_i_sovest_poteryali_video
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/186636/chernobyltsy_prolomili_zabor_i_voshli_na_territoriyu_vokrug_parlamenta_grajdane_bandity_sdaemsya_po
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2011/11/1/6719710/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2011/11/3/6727110/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/11/4/6730871/

Kuchma Chides Yanukovych (2004)

2011-10-30T14:05:00.010+02:00

Today’s lions can be yesterday’s lambs.

PM Yanukovych [mumbles on]: ...renovating the production and technology base of the facilities and developing their infrastructure, revamping the means...

President Kuchma [loses patience]: Bang! Let...let me stop you right there. That’s it. For starters...we heard this...at the national security council meeting...you and I...after [the ammo depot blaze at] Artyomovsk. I just requested [this handout] — too bad it’s not available — I could’ve come forward and read it out right next to you. Why must you read out what we’ve already heard? It’s already been said! Why did you [staff] have to prepare what’s already been said?

Conversely, today’s prisoners can be yesterday’s princesses.

Take this fair lady/Gazprom partner, the one who brushed off gas supplies from places cheaper than Russia. Oh, we’re talking ‘97, not ‘09, here.

Her other partner served as Ukraine's PM at the time [1:53].

They called their party Hromada (Community), but soon went their separate ways.

She went on to become Ukraine's PM. And he went to jail. To US jail, that is. Not Gitmo, but anyway… How can you persecute opposition leaders like that?

What if he, too, wants to run for president? For US president maybe?

Can't you guys decriminalize a thing or two and give him a chance?

Sources:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUyAguCD__I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_TOX2r92N0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HaB2KWCIdo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPtSXDCPjz4
http://www.whatson-kiev.com/index.php?go=News&in=view&id=6695

Tymoshenko Gifts Gaddafi With Sabre (2008)

2011-10-22T09:31:00.006+03:00

Freedom fighters?

Tymoshenko: I want you to be strong...and, as always...an armed person. Hahaha!

This was November '08. I was already done with Tymoshenko.

But the West wasn’t done with Gaddafi. Even John McCain, who now supports Tymoshenko, considered Gaddafi an “interesting man.”

Still, you have to admit that giving that man a sabre and wishing him to be “armed” looks a bit too intimate of Tymoshenko.

Wanna make a dictator happy? Forget the sabre. Buy him a bigger drainage pipe! (Or maybe a bigger gas pipeline?)

Hope Tymoshenko would agree.

Sources:
http://tsn.ua
http://1tv.com.ua
http://kanalukraina.tv

As Yanukovych Jails Tymoshenko for 7 Years, FEMEN Slam Both

2011-10-11T13:42:00.006+03:00

Last October, they messed with Putin. Now they're messing with his partners.

“Switch on your mind!” “Tymoshenko and Yanukovych, same shit!”

That's all it takes for Tymoshenko fans to side with the police. The same police that used force to disperse their rally.

As Tymoshenko fans in the EU are going into police mode, Yanukovych has said that the final say rests with the Court of Appeals. Which probably means she'll let her go. Who doesn't need a safe retirement plan?

The EU will be fine with that. Who doesn't need low transit rates and stability?

But there's one problem. The Ukrainian people might feel a little different about this whole gas-stability thing.

Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com/174237.html
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2011/10/11/6654310/

Yanukovych Booed, FEMEN Chased as Stadium Reopens

2011-10-09T10:33:00.007+03:00

I play, you pay.

If you think Ukraine’s richer Turkey, think again. We’re richer than Germany!

Olympic (Kyiv, 68,000 seats): €435M
Olympia (Berlin, 74,000 seats): €242M
Allianz Arena (Munich, 70,000 seats): €340M

That last one they built from scratch.

If you feel like scratching your head a little bit, wait until you see this.

Breathtaking, huh? That's Yanukovych’s Mezhyhirya principality.

Hey, EU, you want this *decriminalized* too? Done! Just make sure you hire Tymoshenko to negotiate your gas bills with Russia, OK?

You can then grant immunity to Yanukovych and hire him to run the ECB.

What do you say, Shakira?

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/10/8/6649137/
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/larin/4e90bed263e0a/
http://femen.livejournal.com/173971.html#cutid1
http://gallery.korrespondent.net/ukraine/3400-s-neba-na-zemlyu-eksklyuzivnye-snimki-mezhigorya-s-vysoty-ptichego-poleta?img=0
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2011/10/6/6645004/

Ukraine in Geopolitical Cartoons

2011-09-27T09:54:00.003+03:00

What do you make of Ukraine?

Spotted this street exhibit while walking down Khreshchatyk last Sunday.

Afghan Vets Almost Storm Parliament Over Pension Cuts

2011-09-21T09:19:00.004+03:00

Their war isn't over.

The government will mostly likely back down. No government can afford protesters with combat experience.

Not even the world's 134th transparent government (out of 178).

The government that puts Ukrainians out of their misery.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/all
http://pravda.com.ua
http://glavcom.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/26399/person_id/1.phtml

FEMEN in Anti-Prostitution/Euro 2012 Porn Stunt in Poland

2011-09-19T09:28:00.002+03:00

“We don't want this kind of Euro!”

Ladies, you should have done this at the Yulia European Strategy summit.

The folks there should know more about the dangers of sex tourism.

Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com

Police Thwart Anti-Yanukovych T-Shirt Sale in Kyiv

2011-09-16T09:33:00.005+03:00

It’s the police state’s job to keep humor in short supply. And fail.

First, they raided the company premises, then they cracked down on its sales effort.

OK, those T-shirts haven’t hit the market yet. I mean, physically. But guess what? More juice came out thanks to this crackdown.

Which doesn’t really hurt the “Thank you Donbas!” [for that dumbass] brand.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/09/15/6589925/

FEMEN Pose As Hookers to Expose Corrupt Cops

2011-09-16T09:20:00.003+03:00

“Everybody wants a slice of the pie.”

That's how one madam put it, referring to the Hr. 150 ($18.75) “law enforcement” tax that every hooker has to pay every night.

What did the cops say? Forward the issue to our public affairs department!

$500 an hour (FEMEN's asking price)? Sounds like a brand new iPad!

But that's not enough to make Paris “$1M Kyiv gig” Hilton blush.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/181801/jurnalistskoe_rassledovanie_kievskie_militsionery_zarabatyvayut_po_150_griven_za_noch_na_kajdoyi_prostitutke
http://tsn.ua
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/181475/sovetnik_prezidenta_i_eksministr_transporta_otorvalis_na_vecherinke_s_peris_hilton_ona_nam_ne_nravitsya
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/181322/femen_pokazali_grud_peris_hillton_i_van_damu_video

Yanukovych: ‘Conditions Are Being CreMated for Entrepreneurship Development’ (Freudian Slip)

2011-09-09T10:06:00.008+03:00

Too bad he didn't mention it in “Opportunity Ukraine.”

Yanukovych: Serious steps have been made on the pathway to reform: Pension and land reforms have been initiated, as well as health care, education, housing and urban development reforms. Conditions are being cremated for entrepreneurship development, a campaign to fight corruption has been launched.

He went off-script. He had to tell the truth. The brutal truth. Instead of створюються (stvo-ryu-yut-sya/created), he opted for спотворюються (spo-tvo-ryu-yut-sya), which literally means to twist or pervert. To keep the poetry in the translation, I came up with a rhyme for created.

So you can't accuse him of plagiarism on this one. In 2010 alone, some 400,000 small businesses closed up shop under pressure from the new tax code.

Why pay higher taxes? Well, here’s why. Welcome to Sukholuchchya!

It’s Yanukovych’s 91,429 acre hunting preserve, a private maximum security gulag, not far from his Mezhyhirya principality. Guarded by masked militia and Ukraine’s secret service.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/180715/yanukovich_ogovorilsya_dosyagnuto_chimalo_spotvoryuyutsya_umovi_dlya_rozvitku_pdprimnitstva_video
http://www.rada.gov.ua/~dtrp/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBTMLE5alyM
http://tvi.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/26332/person_id/1.phtml

Woman, 65, Gets 10 Days for Messing With Yanukovych

2011-09-02T08:59:00.005+03:00

He hears everyone, remember?

Woman: Shevchenko, we love you! We love the Ukrainian people! And this disaster [Yanukovych] has to go away. Go away you freaking con!

And go away he does. Back to his Mezhyhirya principality. In one of those old school Soviet choppers. (His brand new $17M richer-than-Marine One chopper needs a break from time to time.)

It’s times like this that help him get the big picture and write books like “Opportunity Ukraine.”

Btw, some Ukrainians have already taken that opportunity! They're putting the ruling Party of Regions offices to good use. By shitting on them. Literally.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/180004/pensionerku_posadili_na_10_sutok_za_povrejdenie_lentochki_na_venke_yanukovicha_video http://censor.net.ua/video_news/180043/yanukovich_poka_polzuetsya_vertoletom_sovetskogo_obraztsa_video http://1.zt.ua/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2011/08/31/6547564/
http://mandelbaum.de/books/761/7407

After Deadly Mine Accidents, Riot Police Drills

2011-08-12T12:49:00.005+03:00

Every stick has two ends.

Mess with the bull, you get the horns.

Sooner or later.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/08/12/6484538/
http://www.reuters.com
http://video.foxnews.com/v/1105530414001/graphic-video-deadly-bull-run-in-colombia/

Tymoshenko Arrested As Supporters Clash With Police

2011-08-05T18:23:00.006+03:00

He's working!

You wanted that grand coalition with Yanukovych, ma'am?

You got it!

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2011/08/5/6454611/
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/177488/ekspremer_pod_konvoem_kak_timoshenko_vyvodili_iz_zala_suda_video
http://forum.pravda.com.ua/read.php?12,210801832

'Expendable' Coal Miner Speaks Out After Accident

2011-08-04T12:00:00.005+03:00

“They used people as expendables, you understand?”

No safety, no shower, no heating. 2 accidents, 38 dead, millions in profits.

Welcome (back) to Ukraine!

Bazhanova mine, Makiyivka, Donetsk oblast: 11 dead
Sukhodolska-Skhidna mine, Luhansk oblast: 27 dead

The latter belongs to Ukraine's richest man/MP Rinat Akhmetov, a supporter of Yanukovych and a neighbor of Tymoshenko.

Fighting back tears, the miner who works at Akhmetov's mine identifies himself as Smetanin Ihor Volodymyrovych. He says he makes $162/month, cried all night helping recover the bodies and will most likely quit after 3 years on the job.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/177169/v_razmen_lyudeyi_kak_rashodny
yi_material_my_tut_kak_skoty__gornyak_shahty_ahmetova_video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/176802/mat_propavshego_shahtera_on_gdeto_tam__pod_zavalom_vse_net_ego_video

Welcome to Tymoshenko, Akhmetov, Tabachnyk Beaches!

2011-07-26T10:02:00.002+03:00

“Do you know where you are? Rich folks live here. So don't sail any closer!”

Can beaches be private property? No, says environmental law. Yes, says the law of the jungle.

That’s the law that trumps the law that guarantees free riverfront passage and bans home construction within 100 meters of any water body.

In a country where government is private property, nothing is impossible!

OK, here we go. Tymoshenko beach (4:17). Feels nice, but nobody’s home. Oh, she's so busy these days! Not only does she frequently appear in Yanukovych’s court...

...but she also lives next door to Ukraine’s richest man Rinat Akhmetov!

Red: Tymoshenko (former MP/PM/now opposition leader)
White: Akhmetov (oligarch/MP/Yanukovych backer)

Pretty cool, huh? How about an Overboard remake? Best filming location ever!

The final *swim-union* scene (2:04)

Donbas Arena opening ceremony (August 2009)

Anyway, other beaches turned out not so romantic.

Tabachnyk beach guard: “Are you gonna teach law to me? I have my own laws. You understand?”

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/174946/jurnalisty_popytalis_pozagorat_na_lichnyh_plyajah_timoshenko_ahmetova_i_tabachnika_ty_tolko_za_zabor_vylezesh_ya_tebya_iz_pistoleta_vylezu_video http://tsn.ua
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2011/07/14/6386726/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/rus/articles/2009/08/30/4501048/

Drunk MP Yanukovych Jr. Can't Find Way Home

2011-07-14T09:37:00.006+03:00

"I'll make it on my own!"

That's what he told his buddies after hitting a couple of wrong doors.

Trashing wildlife in Western Ukraine can be that stressful for a lawmaker.

Yanukovych: Let me...assure you: I am not ashamed of my kids and my grandkids, and I want your children to be no different...from mine...and I want them to be happy. But when kids get dragged...uh...into this mud that you're trying to drag my kids, my family, into...

Father knows best.

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/photos/4e1ad3203abdb/
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/scandal/4e1d915f7dad7/

Pro-Yanukovych Lawmakers Play With iPads, iPhones

2011-07-11T08:06:00.006+03:00

Jokes, tabloids, cars... Keeping up with the Tymoshenkos can be fun!

Lawmakers in Ukraine make more in a month than the average Ukrainian does in a year: $4K.

Even so, what many of them make officially doesn’t quite add up to their lifestyles.

Video of the day: Luhansk city council member Roman Landik beating up a 20-year-old woman (a softcore model, as it later turned out).

That’s the same guy who poses with Yanukovych, Lytvyn, Tihipko & Co plus other celebs on odnoklassniki.ru (classmates).

The crown jewel of his collection: a semi-erased “One law for all” NUNS/Yushchenko ‘07 campaign billboard with “For sale” on it.

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/photos/4e16ec958468e/
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/photos/4e170f89a7755/
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/photos/4e18171c98775/

Tymoshenko, Supporters Removed from Courtroom

2011-07-07T10:33:00.003+03:00

Don't mess with The Hon. Rodion "Brute" Kireyev!

A joke of a trial turned into a show of force after the judge stopped tolerating habitual violations of courtroom order. The ax fell on Tymoshenko and some of her supporters, including MP Mykhailo Kosiv (BYuT), 77, a political prisoner in Soviet times.

The judge also ordered live feeds cut off.

It's a shame this country doesn't have laws that work and a judiciary that's credible and independent. Tymoshenko's misdeeds should be adjudicated on their legal merits, not on political grounds.

The guy who wants Tymoshenko convicted is the guy she wanted to do a grand coalition with: Yanukovych.

That's why she's no martyr material.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2011/07/6/6361074/
http://tvi.ua

Topless FEMEN v. Yanukovych-'Bulls'-Get-Everything Pension Reform

2011-07-05T14:42:00.005+03:00

Fools get the casket, bulls get the cash.

Looks like FEMEN got a kick out of it. And so did the cops.

If only they could move as fast as Yanukovych.

Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com/159486.html
http://ua.politics.comments.ua/2011/07/05/154733/goli-femen-ganyali-bikiv-bilya.html
http://live.comments.ua/2011/07/05/142/Goli-Femen-ganyali-bikiv-bilya.html

Yanukovych Walks Pro-Govt Reporters Through His Mezhyhirya Residence

2011-06-29T13:42:00.004+03:00

He’s just a guy next door.

Enjoy this long-anticipated but kind of limited-view tour! Get the big picture here.

The show hit the airwaves last night (Constitution Day). Prime time. On just about every major channel.

Out-jogging Tymoshenko

Yanukovych: I believe that every person has the right to a private…life, and there are some areas, like — it’s...doesn’t matter if it’s a politician or not a politician, see — that belongs [sic] to him. And he doesn’t want someone invading…

Kulykov (ICTV): Today, we’ve sneaked a peek into your private life.

Yanukovych: ...to...tou...touching [them]. Well, I do allow…it’s on my permission. I don’t allow just anyone...

Kulykov: And considering...considering...

Yanukovych: ...just anyone. I allow — and every person allows — those whom they allow...those, uh, one has respect for, certain trust in, and you know that this person, they, so to speak, don't carry a big chip on their shoulder. Same with me. I’m like everybody else.

“I’m like everybody else.” Why not put it on this wall?

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2011/06/28/6338987/
http://inter.ua

Yanukovych Wants to ‘Make New Tragedies Possible’

2011-06-27T11:15:00.004+03:00

WW II cost Ukraine dearly. At least 7 million Ukrainians died while another 2.2 million worked as slaves.

June 22 marks the 70th anniversary of Nazi Germany’s attack on the Soviet Union. Let’s hear what Yanukovych has to say about this.

Yanukovych: It is our debt of honor to those who died to overcome the shadows of the past, to make new tragedies possible. Challenges to Ukraine’s peaceful future will be met with an immediate and harsh response, no matter where these efforts may come from.

Unemozhlyvyty, umozhlyvyty, who cares? As long as I’m in charge. Hell, I can even mint my own coins!

But that’s not enough to keep some of my supporters happy.

Even those who get paid to appear at my courtroom rallies get pissed.

Or maybe by “tragedies” I meant Tymoshenko?

What are you gonna do? Charge me with smoking?

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/172885/novaya_ogovorka_yanukovicha_nasha_svyataya_obyazannost_umojliviti_novye_tragedii__video
http://1tv.com.ua
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/06/22/6321086/
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/172849/aktivistregional_demonstrativno_sjeg_vozle_vechnogo_ognya_nagrady_ot_pr_yanukovich_lichno_obmanul_menya_video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/173127/sudya_kireev_porugalsya_s_timoshenko_obvinyaemaya_vam_slovo_sud_ne_daval__zato_vam_yanukovich_slovo_daval__video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/173196/sudya_ne_otpuskaet_timoshenko_skajite_do_kotorogo_chasa_vy_budete_nad_nami_izdevatsya_video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/173097/timoshenkosude_u_vas_net_ni_znaniyi_ni_opyta_chtoby_rassmatrivat_eto_delo_video
http://5.ua

PM Azarov Adores Rent-a-Crowd Rallies

2011-06-20T10:13:00.005+03:00

“Hold on with the pics ‘cause we don’t know the lines yet.”

Anyway, if you like Azarov, wave your flag and learn the damn lines!

And don't forget to buy him a bunch of these inflatables.

They look like real reforms, don’t they?

Buy him a whole Potemkin village. Give Washington something to praise!

...For better or for worse,
For richer for poorer,
In sickness and in health...

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/172295/azarov_iskrenne_raduetsya_zakaznomu_mitingu_v_ego_podderjku_normalno_eto_nashi_lyudi_video
http://1tv.com.ua
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/172340/rossiyiskiyi_ekspert_nashi_tanki_i_raketnye_kompleksy_sduvaet_vetrom_vo_vremya_perevozki_video
http://newsru.com
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/24624/person_id/8.phtml

'Very Impressive!' Says Rep. David Dreier (R-CA) of Tymoshenko MP's iPad 2

2011-06-13T11:15:00.000+03:00

Very impressive? Hell no! It's business as usual.

Instead of leveling with grassroots Ukraine, U.S. lawmakers turn to Tymoshenko and her golden boys.

Never mind that Ukraine's on the verge of default (due in part to Tymoshenko’s gas negotiation skills).

Never mind that Yanukovych's consumer basket falls short of that extended to German POWs under Stalin.

Never mind that the iPad 2 equals 3 months of work for the average Ivan in Ukraine.

Never mind that it’s this type of elitist affluenza that ruined Tymoshenko's presidential bid in 2010.

Since then, Tymoshenko has gone on Twitter, but hasn't learned a lot, has she? And neither has her Western fan club.

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4df0ccd534239/

Yanukovych Puts Ukraine Behind the Iron Curtain

2011-06-08T11:22:00.007+03:00

Ta-da! (4:20)

That's the Iron Curtain that separates Yanukovych from the rest of Ukraine.

And don't you come rallying outside. Not even on Journalists' Day! The guy who runs the nearby village of Novi Petrivtsi went to court to ban rallies.

Reporters then invented this smart excuse: We're here to see if the court order is carried out.

Meanwhile, in Donetsk...

If you got a problem with Yanukovych's eldest son building a parking lot in your backyard, you get beaten by his goons. Now you know why he named his construction company MAKO.

And here's the good news: Ukraine has finally completed the Fool And His Nukes Are Soon Parted program. As of June 8, 2011, there's no enriched uranium left.

It's time for the International Maids Fu** to ship more enriched oligarchium.

Sources:
http://video.telekritika.ua/show/no_comment/494-tam_eb***icheskiij_zabor!!!_06.06.2011
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/06/8/6279900/

FEMEN’s Topless Oleksandra Shevchenko Recites Taras Shevchenko’s Poetry

2011-06-06T13:22:00.007+03:00

It's summer. It's hot. It's FEMEN again.

Quite a patriotic comeback after that creepy photo shoot with an anti-Ukrainian douche bag?

Politically, Ukraine seems to have fallen into a siesta.

If you’re a journalist and you’re outside Yanukovych’s Mezhyhirya residence on Journalists’ Day, you get the cake and flowers.

He forgot the sleeping pills, didn't he?

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/170843/femen_teper_chitayut_stihi_yakbi_vi_znali_panich_video
http://comments.ua
http://femen.livejournal.com/155602.html
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/171060/yanukovich_promchalsya_mimo_jurnalistov_on_vas_obyazatelno_pozdravit_pozdravlenie_povesit_na_svoem_sayite_video
http://tvi.ua
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/171088/jurnalistskiyi_tort_ot_yanukovicha_seli_stroiteli_video
http://5.ua

$50K Outhouses? Donetsk Orders 10!

2011-05-30T10:27:00.004+03:00

No shit.

For that much tax money, you can pack your shitter with all kinds of platinum, Swarovski, wash’n’dry-your-ass stuff.

Or...you can buy a brand new SUV.

Dear IMF,

Please don’t stop. Keep the dinero coming. Help our government pay an extra $150M for every oil rig it buys. Help them hire US law firms to investigate things.

We can always pay you back. We have shitloads of national wealth to spread around. Nukes? Grain? Cash? Maids? Name it and claim it.

P.S. Can you lend him a netbook or something? Too much to ask?

Help your man get rid of the digital divide!

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/169692/chudotualety_ot_donetskoyi_merii_podogrev_sideniyi_klimatkontrol_hendsfri_s_bluetooth_i_kamni_svarovski_video
http://tsn.ua
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/05/28/6249821/
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/leschenko/4ddcf8aa670b0/

Fenced Crowds, Sand Storm as Yanukovych Visits Uzhhorod

2011-05-23T11:16:00.003+03:00

Ukraine for the people? Tell it to the fenced up people.

Yanukovych: If...he doesn’t speed up…uh…the speed…I’ll be forcing him to...even physically...
Fenced folks [laughing]: No, no, no!

Yanukovych: ...so that he’ll be running faster.
Folks: He’s good!

Yanukovych: Huh? We come from different weight classes, so I understand this.

So he knows how to kick ass. And sand too.

Now that beats Kseniya Simonova's sand animation, doesn't it?

Back in Kyiv they're into erotic asphyxiation.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/169072/yanukovich_vzglyadom_razognal_ohrannikov_i_predupredil_gubernatora_zakarpatya_uskoryayisya_a_to_ya_pomogu_fizicheski_video
http://news-1.tv/
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/168750
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=518XP8prwZo/vzroslye_igry_kak_martynyuk_nabrosilsya_na_lyashko__chto_vy_delaete_adam_ivanovich__video
http://www.rada.gov.ua/~dtrp/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/05/21/6222777/

Police Thwart Protests, Scrap Russian Orthodox Tent Church

2011-05-16T12:05:00.003+03:00

OMG! What a way to treat state religion!

On May 14 (Day of Anger), scores of anti-government protesters tried to camp outside parliament — only to be detained by police and later released.

Business as usual, huh? Not exactly.

It turns out police also dismantled that Russian Orthodox tent church that had been there since 2005. Yeah, since the Orange Revolution, for Christ’s sake! Now that should grab Patriarch Kirill’s attention!

Or maybe he had secretly blessed the whole operation? To kind of separate Yanukovych from his favorite church? At least for anyone willing to buy it. I mean Dura lex, sed lex v. Cuius regio, eius religio.

Who knows, maybe this little trick will help Patriarch Kirill save on travel and pack bigger crowds in Ukraine. Without resorting to Photoshop.

Original

Hocus-pocus...

Hallelujah!

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/168396/militsiya_razrushila_hram_upts_moskovskogo_patriarhata_ne_boites_chto_vy_i_deti_protyanete_kopyta__video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/168327/bitva_berkuta_i_protestuyuschih_v_den_gneva_svolochi_pidry_chto_vy_jenschinu_trogaete_fashisty_video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/168320/berkut_zaderjivaet_uchastnikov_dnya_gneva_video
http://life.comments.ua/2011/05/12/255292/palomnikov-patriarhu-kirillu.html
http://www.yaplakal.com/uploads/previews/post-3-13052354202262.jpg

Smug Pro-Yanukovych MPs Scolded by Struggling Seniors

2011-05-09T09:22:00.008+03:00

40 years of work leaves you with $100/month, not enough to pay for utilities.

The rest goes to first-class citizens who worship all things Soviet.

Woman 3: I, Valentyna Volodymirivna, want to particularly address Lukyanov and Chechetov: What do I have to do — how should I get down on my knees before you — so I’LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN HERE? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, HUH? YOU SHAMELESS ONES! I’ve worked for 40 years, I’m disabled due to cancer, and my father died during the first days there, in the war. He wants to see your flag? He doesn’t want to see this humiliation that you cause us! And you think he has interest in your flag! You can put it wherever you want, put it on, go out, have fun, get drunk in your palaces! But don’t touch us. And you [opposition] keep fighting. As sick as we are, we’ll help you. Trust us. And our grandchildren stand ready to help you. So that we’ll never have to see and hear these “wand wavers” [imitates Chechetov] — illiterate “wand wavers” — because all they have is their big mouths, down to their knees! I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

5:37-6:42

Signing the Soviet flag into law

Shut up, you crazy old Untermenschen!

Go dig a grave and wait for the go-ahead from the AMF!

Arbeit Macht Frei!

Sources:
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/okara/4dc5998b4d194/
http://1tv.com.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/24046/person_id/1.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/24057/person_id/1.phtml http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/24054/person_id/1.phtml

Tymoshenko as 'The Running Woman'

2011-05-03T20:34:00.009+03:00

Tymoshenko's image facelift campaign as it unfolds, powered by social media.

In this 9.8 km jogging video: Tymoshenko, her bodyguard, her dog plus frogs, as spotted by someone who poses as a breathless curiosity-driven cyclist.

In the year 2011, an *innocent woman* accused of a crime has a choice — hard time or prime time.

She must pay or play...“The Running Woman” — the highest rated television show in history.

Happy Press Freedom Day!

Soviet Show on Maidan

2011-05-02T11:36:00.003+03:00

♆krainian colors, Soviet choreogra☭hy.

Not that I'm new to ☠ligarch Entertainmen☦, but this one caught me by surprise as I was walking downtown last Saturday.

And you know what they call it? “Майданc” (“Maidan’s”) It’s a carnival-like dance contest that brings together the cities of Ukraine. Last Saturday’s contestants: Odesa, Kirovohrad and Kharkiv.

Looking at all that Soviet memorabilia in motion, I had a couple of flashbacks.

April 1989. I’m one of the top three students to be promoted to the rank of pioneer (Soviet boy scout). In second grade, a whole grade ahead of the curve. We’re rock stars!

The “rite of passage” took place in the Lenin Museum, just a few blocks from here. In just a few years the USSR would be history.

And what about these kids? How old are they? What the hell are they doing?

If you're an oligarch and you want this for your kids, check out these tutorials.

Lukashenka: ‘There's Plenty of Lousiness to the Current Leadership of Ukraine’

2011-04-27T14:27:00.005+03:00

One dictator at a time. That’s how the EU does business.

That’s why the dictator next door ended up home alone, unwelcome and underappreciated.

Meanwhile, the dictator-indoor bombarded Barroso, Ban Ki-moon and other Western dignitaries with tin-cup hospitality. Later, he accompanied Medvedev and Patriarch Kirill on their Chernobyl pilgrimage.

Lukashenka: You know, frankly speaking...uh...not so frankly, actually...uh...you ask this question to Yanukovych: Why is the Belarusian president not present at their event? You ask them. Uh…unfortunately...uh...there’s plenty of lousiness to the current leadership of Ukraine. Uh...I’m not going to be fishing for an invite, and to be some kind of, you know, what you may call it...uh...a sidekick of some kind is not what I’m going to be either — of either one president or the other. That’s why this question — why no Lukashenka — one should ask Yanukovych this question. As for...jerks like Barroso and others...just who is Barroso? There was some Barroso in Portugal, then they kicked him out, put him in the European Commission or some other place. That’s why I couldn’t care less about it...uh...whatever blabber came from some European official someplace. There’s a thousand of them. Uh...and the most important thing is...well, it’s probably easier for me to speak here — you can see it and you know it — that...these are holy days for me.

Holy moly! What a stab in the back from the land where Yanukovych's father was born.

And what a cold shower for pan-Slavic unity. Or maybe acid rain?

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/166662/kak_lukashenko_zakozlil_yanukovicha_i_barrrozu_video
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23940.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23935.phtml

Classmate Praises Yanukovych in Stalinesque Poetry

2011-04-25T12:36:00.006+03:00

How do some Donbasians buy £136M+£60M flats? Well, here’s a clue.

Let me have a shot at poetic translation.

Viktor, you're the light and the banner. With you we'll crush our foes! You brought faith to the people. Happiness, freedom, and home.
Viktor, you're the resplendent one. Ray of light, hope, and love!
Do it, take command, lead us. Till all our foes are no more!

The clouds will go, I know. A bright life will come to us.
All your evil foes, all this yellow* scum
Shall perish instantly. And may prosperity come!
The bright life is coming. There's good news in store.
Do it, take command, lead us. Till all the dark is no more.

*Yellow obviously means orange (as in the Orange Revolution)

Why not drop a love bomb on Kim Jong-il too? For a bowl of rice, maybe?

Buckwheat would be even better. It’s up 300% since Kim Januk-il took command.

Bonus Track
Actually, Yanukovych had enthralled poetic souls long before he became president. Here’s another gem, based on a Soviet patriotic tune, performed by a Yanukovych supporter in April 2007.

We need no coast of Turkey
We need no America
That guy from Doneeeeetsk would be OK
He’s nothing but a mirrrrracle

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/focus/4dad4795c9c53/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftLUiUt6Sfc
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23888/person_id/1.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23871/person_id/1.phtml http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23873/person_id/1.phtml

Highway Cop Kills Teen Cyclist, Gets Promoted

2011-04-18T00:25:00.002+03:00

Catch him if you can.

A reporter tries to reach the cop for comment, and guess what? The cop's moving in the fast lane!

Which finally justifies the $100K we paid for this Ukraine brand.

Outpaced and outraged, the reporter goes all the way to the oblast top brass. Only then does Maj. Voloven become more cooperative.

Maj. Voloven: I have the right to have no contact with you whatsoever, right?
Reporter: And that includes running away?

Voloven: Running away?
Reporter: You were running, weren’t you?

Voloven: Well, I didn’t want to talk to you.
Reporter: Do you feel guilty?

Voloven: Well, yes, in the sense that I could not have prevented this situation, I take full blame for failing to react in this situation.

Teen’s mother: What did you kill my child for?
Voloven: Well, you do realize that...

Mother: Look me in eye! What did you kill my child for?
Voloven: I’m sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose, right?

Mother: Then why are you, a major of the police, running from justice and providing false testimony?
Voloven: I...
Mother: You know I’m telling the truth. It happened right before my eyes.

What can I say? Another success story.

It's got character. It takes character to evade “the justice of the law and the inevitability of punishment” Yanukovych talked about last week.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/164138/gaishnika_kotoryyi_sbil_nasmert_podrostka_na_velosipede_ne_posadili_a_povysili_v_zvanii_video http://ictv.ua
http://brandukraine.org/i/

Yanukovych to Ukrainians: ‘Show Some Ukrainian Character’

2011-04-10T16:38:00.011+03:00

The Yanuking speaketh...

Yanukovych: From this treebune...tribune, I want to reach out to every Ukrainian with this: No more complaining and humiliating yourself. Ukraine is a strong and ambitchious state. It’s time to show some Ukrainian character — to prove to yourself and to the world that Ukraine is a country that leads the way.

As if saying трибина instead of трибуна wasn’t enough!

Ambitchious would be a mistranslation. What he actually mumbled out defied translation: амбідна — a portmanteau of ambitna and bidna (ambitious and poor).

How badly does he want poor Ukraine to show some Ukrainian character? I mean, like they did in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya?

Or at least, like holding him to his promise? Last year, he promised us to show his Mezhyhirya property, remember?

Pools, lakes, mansions, club houses, guest houses, pigeon houses, bowling, tennis, golf, helipad, underground shooting range...

Just how much character does it take? To keep all this stuff around while holding the country's highest office?

UPDATE
Segodnya.ua offers a fresh collection of bird's eye views of Mezhyhirya.

Hangar

Club house

Pigeon houses

Visit Segognya.ua for breathtaking video (Part 1) from a Mezhyhirya-Kyiv chopper flight. Part 2 coming soon.

In case you failed to notice, last year, Yanukovych made $115K and his wife $2K.

Sources:
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23641.phtml
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/164031/yanukovich_ukraintsy_hvatit_unijatsya_proyavite_ukrainskiyi_harakter_dobavleno_video
http://www.rada.gov.ua/~dtrp/
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/151798/jurnalisty_ustroili_ohotu_na_yanukovicha__militsiya_v_rasteryannosti_video http://tvi.ua
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2011/04/8/6090201/
http://www.segodnya.ua/news/14241548.html
http://www.segodnya.ua/video/14241092.html
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23684/person_id/1.phtml

Governor, Wife Play (Taxpayers Pay)

2011-04-05T15:54:00.004+03:00

Drinking and dancing on the taxpayers’ dime? Yes we can!

Ternopil Governor Valentyn Khoptyan: Look, we’re not celebrating Women’s Day, we...we were invited to [this place] where they have young talent, including those from the land of Ternopil, and I wanted to see...because the head of the oblast administration, he has to deal not just with industry, agriculture and the budget, but he also has to deal with life issues, ones pertaining to our region, including, including culture, health care, education, I mean, all those reforms that should be in progress today — there are 21 — ones that the president of our country has set forth. So this...that was, that was not a festive event and not recreation, that was a field trip, a learning experience, as it’s...the kind of work that’s done in Husyatyn Rayon (County), and, as you know, my wife is the chair of the rayon council there.

Reporter: Yes, I do know. So you bel[ieve]...in the report, they didn’t say it was a field trip of yours.
Governor: I’m telling you, I’m telling you: It was...

Reporter: In the report, they said it was the governor...
Governor: They were wrong. I’m...it was a field trip. And every time wherever I go, likewise, likewise, I always want to see our talent, and the land of Ternopil is rich in talent, both young and mature.

Reporter: Let me get this straight one more time. So making this report with state funding and showing it on state television, you believe, is absolutely acceptable?
Governor: It was a field trip of mine...and I...and we should be organizing this kind of work — the recreation of our people — in every rayon, city and village of our region.

What about all those people now making a living in Italy, Spain and Portugal?

How much more “recreation” do we need before this country runs out of people?

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/163216/glava_ternopolskoyi_oga_prazdnovanie_v_restorane_8_marta__eto_rabochiyi_vizit_video
http://pravda.com.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23526/person_id/1.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23537/person_id/1.phtml

‘Let the Damn Motherfucker Die!’ (Babushka on Yanukovych)

2011-03-29T16:42:00.004+03:00

Ever wonder how people really feel about you? In your home town?

Yenakiyeve, Donetsk Oblast

Reporter: Hi, I’m a reporter! We’re doing a poll. How would you rate Yanukovych’s first year in office?
Respondent: Let, let the damn motherfucker die! Just put it down word for word and have it published.
1:20-1:30

What, no happy priest and kids scenes? That’s one hell of a generation gap. Just who the hell does she think she is? Ruining all those childhood dreams?

The next respondent gave Yanukovych an A on Euro 2012 and an F overall. All but two respondents rated Yanukovych negatively.

It’s good to be home!

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/161758/jiteli_enakievo_dali_otsenku_pervomu_godu_yanukovicha_vnimanie_nenormativnaya_leksika__video http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23282/person_id/1.phtml

Not in Ukraine? Let Your Pal Vote for You!

2011-03-22T12:56:00.002+02:00

Every time you leave, leave your card in good hands.

That’s the house rule. From coalition to opposition, everybody “plays the piano.”

For all the talk of a foolproof system, the Mar. 17 proposition didn’t pass, falling short by 4 votes. Fingerprint recognition? Why bite the hand that feeds you?

STB names and shames the latest card rentals: MPs Maksym Lutsky and Iryna Berezhna of the ruling Party of Regions. The two went to the Council of Europe and guess what? Their cards back home voted 6 and 4 times respectively, the record shows.

Reporter: How’s your card doing now?
MP Lutsky: It’s not.
MP Berezhna: My MP card is in Kyiv, but it’s not voting.

If only I had veto power...I’d vote for Berezhna as Yanukovych’s spokeswoman! Not only would she be a better match, but she would also be able to match her biorhythms to that of her boss.

I mean, showing up late for work wouldn’t be a problem.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/161107/vrut_i_ne_krasneyut_regionaly_berejnaya_i_lutskiyi_iz_bryusselya_progolosovali_10_raz_v_verhovnoyi_rade_video
http://stb.ua
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/leschenko/4d870e90308b3/

Woman Mayor to Woman Reporter: ‘Bitch’

2011-03-17T13:13:00.006+02:00

Welcome to the Cougar Town of Ukrainian politics!

Reporter: Everybody had assumed there would be some changes for the better and novelties, but that didn’t happen.
Mayor: Bitch.

That’s Nelya Shtepa, mayor of Slavyansk, Donetsk oblast, speaking at her “100 Days in Office” press conference.

A member of the ruling Party of Regions, Shtepa denies saying the word sookah (bitch). What she really said was Sanya, diminutive for Olexandr, the electrician she invoked once a nearby heater had gone off. So she says.

Gordon Brown should have known better than to give up like that. He should have come up with an alternative interpretation of his “bigoted woman” remark. How about he meant Thatcher?

Ain't it a bitch to run Ukraine for the People?

UPDATE
Shtepa is now suing YouTube for what she considers defamation.

Try hard as they did, ICTV reporters couldn't find an electrician by the name Sanya in the Slavyansk City Hall.

The good news is, Shtepa recently married her driver, 15 years her junior.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/160450/gorodskoyi_golova_slavyanska_obozvala_jenschinu_sukoyi_video
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/23173.phtml

Tymoshenko Visits Mom, Changes Hairstyle

2011-03-09T16:17:00.008+02:00

Girl falls in love with boy. Boy dumps girl. Girl loses to boy. Boy grounds girl.

On International Women’s Day, boy yields to girl. Girl roams free, heads back to her native Dnipropetrovsk for a family reunion.

Foreign travel? No way. You can take the hair out of the girl, but you can’t take the girl out of his hair.

Tymoshenko: I had to go through a whole variety of Nechvoglods (that’s the investigator’s name, Nichvoglod). So I had to go through a lot of Nichvoglods to get that special slip that allows me to visit mom.

Oh boy...banning *the* opposition leader from foreign and domestic travel? What a mood killer! Even for John McCain, whose associates have lobbied on your behalf?

You can take the girl out of the West, but you can’t take the West out of the girl.

It’s just that some girls wanna have so much fun that others have no business left in this country.

Meet the other Yulia. Yulia Smaga.

Ukraine's got talent! In Spain.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/159367/timoshenko_pozdravila_mamu_v_dnepropetrovske_i_sdelala_novuyu_prichesku_video http://tsn.ua
http://life.pravda.com.ua/person/2011/03/9/74533/

Kids Worship Yanukovych in Live Feed

2011-03-01T16:04:00.005+02:00

Welcome back to Yanukidstan! Where Caesar is Christ.
☭owered by Cradle-to-Grave ☠ligarch $olu☦ion$.

Kid 1: Viktor Fedoroveech, welcome to our place!

Kid 2: We earnestly thank what you’re doing for us! [garbles her line, puts a whole new semantic spin on it: as if she thanks him for working for us]

Chorus: We love you very much! Viktor Fedorovych, we can’t wait to see you! God save you!

They’re not kidding. You just saw a portion of Yanukovych’s Feb. 25 grand press conference, capping the 1st year of his presidency.

What did you miss? More of the same: rent-a-crowd live feeds, Soviet-style astroturfing and feel-good questions. “

How to survive on a Hr. 800/$100 monthly pension, less Hr. 780 on utilities?” That’s one unorthodox question that somehow made it through but missed the happy ‘I Hear Everyone’ hour and ended up ducked.

Btw, FEMEN, who chant in choruses of their own, took a more secular approach.

“How come you’re so fucking awesome?”

Awesome possum

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/157918/spasibo_viktoru_fedorovichu_za_nashe_schastlivoe_detstvo_video http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/focus/4d678b023b9a7/
http://5.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/22858.phtml

Yanukovych in Another Foot-in-Mouth Scene

2011-02-23T12:34:00.005+02:00

They need each other.

Yanukovych needs Kravchuk to legitimize the joys of further rewriting the Constitution. Kravchuk needs Yanukovych to legitimize his inner founding father.

In case you forgot, Kravchuk supported Yanukovych in ‘04, Tymoshenko in ‘10...and now he’s back to basics.

Kravchuk: All presidents come, do something or go as they should, but after President Yanukovych they’ll be saying that no one will ever be willing to change the Constitution.

Yanukovych: Leonid Makarovych [patronymic]...Kravchuk and...he...told me pretty cunningly...how it can be organized, so I made the decision to support this initiative without...so to speak...without revising your proposals, the ones you supplied.

Pidstupno (cunningly), dostupno (clearly)...who cares? It's my way or the highway.

My highway, my hookers.

Sources:
http://www.youtube.com/user/STBonline
http://stb.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/22696.phtml

Yanukovych Rebukes Odesa Governor

2011-02-23T12:27:00.003+02:00

All was not humor in Odesa.

Yanukovych: Please let the people through, will ya? I asked you. Or I didn’t make myself clear? Or you’re not managing anything?

Freeze! Let the president through!

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/156680/kak_yanukovich_na_odesskogo_gubernatora_krichal_video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/156687/yanukovich_s_shikom_proehal_po_odesse_odessity_materilis_video

Yanukovych Misannounced as ‘Yushchenko’

2011-02-16T14:36:00.004+02:00

Some people catch on fast. And some don’t.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the President of Ukraine, Viktor Yushchenko!
Audience: Boo!

Announcer: YANUKOVYCH! [terrified about his blunder]
Audience: [applause]

Announcer: Sorry, I...I’m sorry...
Audience: [applause]

Can anyone imagine how sorry this guy was?

In Kharkiv, they’d rather be safe than sorry. That’s why they chained the damn wreath...

...so the same shit wouldn't happen to the same guy twice.

Sources:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVHe02XslQc
http://korrespondent.net/ukraine/politics/1186938-v-harkove-vo-vremya-vizita-yanukovicha-venki-privyazali-cepyami

Yanukovych Talks Succession

2011-02-13T14:55:00.008+02:00

His worst nightmare: Ukraine meets Egypt.

Yanukovych: It’s very important that we have succession, that both our cabinet and the government as a whole...uh...it...work toward the country’s authority.

Naked Peeing Oligarchlets in ‘Bad Romance’ (Lady Gaga) Parody

2011-02-10T12:16:00.007+02:00

We, we, we are epicureans,
Jew-eans, that is, that is!

That’s what they’re singing (1:20-1:23). And boy can they sing!

Wait... “We're not the ones singing this song, but rather it's singing us.” So they say (1:36-1:41).

Anyway, how’s that for a 50th anniversary song for a fellow oligarchlet? Another smash hit, huh?

Hey Bill Clinton, where you at? Don’t you like these guys? I know you like ‘em bigger, but you can still drop by and play sax for them, can’t you?

If they were comedians, they could pass for followers of Borat. Remember that Antisemitism sting of his?

But these guys are no comedians. They’re real oligarchlets. In Europe’s 2nd poorest country, right? Go figure.

Not an apple-to-apple comparison (America’s hardly a poor country), but...

Can you imagine GM, Ford and Chrysler execs in a parody like this?

Or better yet, Toyota, HP, 3M (fill in the blanks) execs having fun in states where they shut down plants and/or ship jobs overseas?

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/focus/4d5299b02252c/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb3IMTJjzfo

Yanukovych Slams Corruption, Foreign ‘Hirelings’ (Opposition Only)

2011-02-06T15:39:00.004+02:00

There’s no place like Mezhyhirya...and no corruption like the opposition.

Yanukovych: The 20 years of the existence...of the post-Soviet system, an unknown model, a so-called transition one, laid the foundation for global corruption...in the state. At all levels. [long pause] And when such a strong crushing blow is dealt...to the bureaucratic system, it certainly reacts...with equal force. That’s why today we...see bureaucracy, corruption in Ukraine being covered up with democratic slogans. They’re lying brazenly, twisting the facts...with stolen money, they’re hiring hirelings — in Europe, in America, inside the country [long pause] — ones who rewrite everything they’re...given — that this bureaucracy and this corruption gives them. And they’re disorienting both the world and Ukrainian society.

Mr. President, you look so hot wearing those glasses. They must have gone all steamy from all that hot air.

Please accept this friendly gift from Poland, for free rides across your Mezhyhirya property, the most pristine and uncorrupt place on earth.

And if you need a few extra votes/bucks, you just let your son/IMF know.

One man, three votes.

You play, we pay!

Sources:
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/leschenko/4d4c35dde7dcb/pagecommentslist572880_8/
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/154753/yanukovich_poznakomilsya_s_neojidannym_konem_video
http://tsn.ua

‘Uvikny...Uvim...Uvikn...Uvikny...Viknit’ (Yanukovych’s At It Again)

2011-01-30T11:57:00.008+02:00

Dear Davos, will you please let him switch on Ukraine?

Spelling tips: Uvimkny [oo-veem-knyh] Ukrayinu.

Yanukovych: This slogan, “Uvikny...Uvim...Uvikn...Uvikny...Viknit Ukrayinu,” this is the promo campaign slogan of our state for Euro 2012! To uviknuty [wrong again]...Ukraine, I...want to say it’s enough to look at her and see for yourself once the chestnut trees start to blossom...in Kyiv...and when...it starts getting warm and in Ukrainian cities women start undressing.

Hey FEMEN, are you listening?

Back to Davos. How about we ask Pinchuk to sponsor that diamond-encrusted baby skull as our Euro 2012 mascot?

Wouldn't it symbolize Ukraine’s success and give the oligarchs full credit for it?

The 2011 Census would supply the crossbones.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/153592/yanukovich_v_davose_ne_smog_pravilno_proiznesti_slovo_uvmkni_video_obnovleno
http://5.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/22158.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/22241.phtml

Mock Rally: Free First Lady Yanukovych!

2011-01-30T11:33:00.003+02:00

He doesn’t just ground Tymoshenko these days.

Lyudmyla Yanukovych, his estranged and old-fashioned wife, fares no better.

Long ridiculed online for her comic 2004 anti-Orange rant, she now has become the target of what looks like a mock protest.

“Ukraine is no Iran! Yanukovych is no tyrant!” “Respect First Lady!” “Freedom for First Lady” “Vitya, show Lyuda to the world!” “Lyudmyla deserves tea with Obama!” “Lyudmyla deserves coffee with Bruni!”

Seriously, what’s wrong with Lyudmyla Yanukovych joining Michelle Obama for a tea party? Now that we have no enriched uranium left, our first lady no longer poses a radiation risk to the White House, does she? The two could discuss other ways to help Ukraine out of its resources.

Carla Bruni could grab a cup of coffee with our first lady on board one of those Mistral helicopter carriers. It’s a real treasure to have a friend like Sarkozy who helps Ukraine stay out of NATO and under Russia's wing.

Any other bon voyage ideas?

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/01/27/5844365/
http://tvi.ua

Azarov, Kravchuk Take Bows After Yanukovych Lets Them

2011-01-25T12:54:00.004+02:00

Happy Unity Day!

Yanukovych: And I bow down.

And they bow down too.

Luckily, no wreath attacks this time. Just a couple of clockwork oranges.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/01/23/5823918/
http://5.ua

Yanukovych: ‘DISEASE of Passing Reforms’

2011-01-25T12:49:00.004+02:00

Talk about foot-in-mouth disease.

Yanukovych: The main resource that we have at our disposal is the trust and understanding of the necessity of overcoming (the) temporary difficulties of the DISEASE of passing reforms.

That’s what happens when you misspell заради (for the sake of) as зарази (of the disease). And quite emphatically so!

But wait a minute... What if it’s just a confession? A major spoiler of the man’s reform agenda? A mega-Freudian slip? Who knows...

Keep them coming, Mr. President!

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/01/22/5820376/
http://1tv.com.ua

Yanukovych to Japan: ‘Welkom in Ukraine!’

2011-01-20T13:15:00.004+02:00

It’s easy when you’re big in Japan!

Yanukovych: As Japanese wisdom has it, ‘A plan without action is a pipe dream. Action without a plan is failure. Welkom in Ukraine!

Looks like somebody took out an artistic license on Japanese wisdom. “Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.” Was that the original saying?

Anyway, some travel tips: Jak se mas? Welkom in Yanukstan! Veri nice! Hi five!

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/152003/yanukovich_snova_okonfuzilsya_zayaviv_yapontsam_welcome_in_ukraine_video
http://stb.ua

Regionalist Compares Yanukovych to Skoropadsky

2011-01-17T12:41:00.006+02:00

True friends stab you in the front.

MP Volodymyr Vecherko (Party of Regions): Viktor Fedorovych Yanukovych, much like Hetman Skoropadsky, has said it and keeps saying it everywhere, that Ukraine is a nation...and it has the right to determine, on its own, which way Ukraine should go. Is that clear or not?

MP Andriy Parubiy (NUNS): Don’t you equate Hetman Skoropadsky and your chief. I’m begging you.

Host: Gentlemen...

Vecherko: Let me, let me, let me once again...today he’s the president and takes responsibility for the entire nation of the country.

Yanukovych=Skoropadsky? Hope you have a self-fulfilling prophecy there!

(Remember that WW I autocrat whose puppet regime facilitated the German occupation of Ukraine and went the way of the Germans?)

So how do the two compare to each other?

Yanukovych clearly lacks Skoropadsky’s redeeming feature: anti-Bolshevism. Unlike Yanukovych, Skoropadsky siphoned food (not iron) from Ukraine, and thus didn’t need gas from Russia.

Put that issue aside, and Yanukovych becomes a faithful follower of Skoropadsky. He’s the man for the job! As long as Hetman Yanukovych remains in charge, Ukraine will remain oligarch/IMF-occupied territory.

Isn’t it great to have a commodity colony right outside the EU’s door? One with the population of California+Virginia, and the GDP of Utah?

Who wants to lose a steady supply of live-in maids, sex slaves and €5M Courchevel bday parties?

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/151329/partiya_regionov_viktor_fedorovich_yanukovich__kak_getman_skoropadskiyi_video
http://5.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/21597/person_id/1.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/21850/person_id/1.phtml

Deputy Prosecutor General Plays Gangster Anthem

2011-01-10T17:37:00.005+02:00

Gangsta rap. Performed by an assistant attorney general. Can you imagine this?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Renat Kuzmin!

He serves as one of our deputy prosecutor generals. That makes him a very special guest star to appear on “Ukraine’s Being Had by Talent.” (Nice parody name for an annual gala organized by MP Yan Tabachnyk of the ruling Party of Regions, huh?)

Anyway, watch Kuzmin perform “Murka,” not gangsta rap, but pretty much the anthem of the local underworld. (Lyrics: Female gangster cheats on her lover-fellow gangster, sells out the gang and gets her comeuppance.)

“Murka” became a household name after appearing in “The Meeting Place Cannot Be Changed” (1978), a popular Soviet miniseries.

3:53-4:42

Ukraine's being had by talent. Any doubt about that?

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2011/01/9/5766343/
http://inter.ua
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1f5F3-1wfI

Lutsenko’s Wife Frets Over Lockup ‘Aura’

2011-01-10T12:32:00.002+02:00

You’ve made your aura, now lie in it.

Mrs. Lutsenko: We...uh...have knowledge that he’s in cell 158. This cell initially served for...as death row. Later, in this cell, they keep...they kept...those sentenced to life. I believe this aura...that engulfs this cell...well, it’s...uh...unacceptable for my husband. He’s not a convict.

Did you say “aura,” ma’am? What about tangible things like torture?

Like breathing inside a plastic bag? Like being anally assaulted with an attitude adjuster? Like being beaten to death? Like being a vegetable for the rest of your life?

Agreed, it’s unfair to single out Lutsenko, given the crimes of others.

After all, what did Lutsenko do? Not much. He would drink and dance on the taxpayers’ dime, hopping from talk show to talk show. And all this time he would sit on top of an insanely corrupt, sadistic and bloated police force.

What do you make of a country whose interior minister promotes his driver to the rank of Lt. Colonel? What do you make of a country whose police outnumbers its army two to one?

Lutsenko specialized in crimes of omission, not commission. The Georgians made police reform happen. Lutsenko made shit happen. That’s it.

As much as I hate Yanukovych, I love the medicine he has administered to one part of our elite.

In its own time, the other part will get a taste of its own medicine.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/149424/lutsenko_derjat_v_kamere_smertnikov__jena_opalnogo_eksministra_videos http://kanalukraina.tv
http://tsn.ua

Lutsenko's Wife, Friends Celebrate New Year Outside Lockup

2011-01-03T12:29:00.005+02:00

You're gonna be impotent! No, not you, Mr. President!

Iryna Lutsenko: I wish him...faithful friends. I wish him health. I wish him no harm. I think he’s a bighearted man...and...a strong man...uh...a man who achieved absolute power that we’re witnessing now in our country shouldn’t be vengeful. He should respect his enemies...or opponents.

Mustafa Nayem: How could this be that you’re greeting the current president in charge and yet you blamed Viktor Yushchenko for what happened to your husband?
Mrs. Lutsenko: Uh...I don’t have it in me to greet him on this New Year. I...can’t...can’t be insincere here. I don’t have good words for him.

Nayem: But you do have them for Yanukovych?
Mrs. Lutsenko: They’re not good. They’re neutral.

So it’s safewords for Yanukovych and badwords for Yushchenko?

Seriously, why blame Yushchenko? Don’t you guys deserve each other?

2005: Yushchenko becomes president, Lutsenko becomes minister;
2006-2007: Lutsenko goes on sabbatical; wireless story leaks out;
2007-2008: Lutsenko makes comeback, backs Tymoshenko;
2009: Fun in Frankfurt; Yanukovych-Tymoshenko coalition talks.

Law-abiding citizens beaten, tortured and murdered by police: thousands
High-profile criminals caught: um...1? Ihor Zvarych?

2010: Game over.

Quite a president we have now. Finally, somebody takes Yushchenko’s campaign promises a bit more seriously! “Bandits will sit in jail,” remember?

Makes you want to rehash your hubby's “one law for all” (“not just for me”) recipe, huh?

Source:
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/nayem/4d201b5b0470c/

Yushchenko’s Brother: ‘Any Government Is From God’

2010-12-31T00:48:00.001+02:00

In Government=God we trust.

Reporter: Will you be listening to Yanukovych this year [New Year’s address]?
MP Petro Yushchenko (NUNS): Sure, I will!

Reporter: You’re willing to?
Petro Yushchenko: It’s a choice...it’s a choice...it’s a choiceeeee...uh...under...any government is from God!

Thank God you and your bro got to keep your government apartment and dacha respectively!

God bless Ukraine!

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/148679/yuschenko_poobeschal_vstretit_novyyi_god_s_yanukovichem_quotlyubaya_vlast__ot_bogaquot_video http://tsn.ua
http://www.evangelie.ru/forum/t32670.html
http://www.volynnews.com/news/interesting/ianukovycha_i_iushchenka_zobrazyly_na_ikonakh_foto/

Lutsenko’s Wife Curses Prosecutor: ‘You’re Gonna Be Impotent!’

2010-12-28T12:41:00.003+02:00

Forget Tamiflu! Think Viagra!

Lutsenko’s wife: How can one tolerate such a lie? It’s just impossible! Why are you staring at me? Why are you staring at me, liar? You’re gonna be impotent! I’m looking right into your eyes. You’re gonna be impotent!

Power can be soooo sexy. Losing power sux.

He lost his power, but not his sense of humor.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/148663/jena_lutsenko_proklyala_prokurora_quotbudesh_ty_impotentomquot_video
http://kanalukraina.tv

FEMEN: ‘We Are the Watch Bitches of Democracy!’

2010-12-23T13:13:00.003+02:00

Join the party!

(The FEMEN political party, that is.)

We are Ukrainian women. We are the FEMEN movement. We are the watch bitches of democracy! Our god: woman. Our weapon: bare breasts. Our goal: government. European Union, accept us! Kremlin, leave us alone! Ukraine, let’s be together! Ukrainian women, come join us, get topless and win!

If some of that sounds naïve, join this Ukrainian Army beauty contest.

Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com/126232.html
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/147869/femen_quotmy_chasovye_suki_demokratii_nasha_tsel_vlastquot_video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/147884/pervyyi_v_istorii_ukrainskoyi_armii_konkurs_krasoty_zampolit_skazal_poshli_i_ya_poshla_video
http://kanalukraina.tv

4 Opposition MPs in Hospital, Beaten by Majority

2010-12-17T00:20:00.007+02:00

Blood on the dance floor again!

This time, Yanukovych boys beat the democracy out of Tymoshenko's BYuT.

Casualties: 4 BYuTies hospitalized with various injuries (1 in pretty bad shape).

The Party of Regions. The party that builds!

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/12/16/5683362/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/12/16/5683100/
http://stb.ua

Yanukovych (FY 2011: $42.9M) v. Bush (FY 2007: $12.4M)

2010-12-13T11:48:00.006+02:00

He talks small government.

And then he outspends the White House 3.45 to 1.

Yanukovych: These people that will be dismissed, they will receib...receive corr...corresponding severance packages upon dismissal, in accordance with the law. [...] The benefits...from the reduction of government officials’ headcount will not transpire until 2012. From then on, every year, undoubtedly, we’ll have quite substantial savings.

You mean, having 16 ministers instead of 24 will save us a fortune? Awesome! But wait... Is that the whole story?

It’s not. I mean look at the State Directorate for Affairs. This funny-name agency acts as the nanny state to Ukraine’s mammoth central government bureaucracy.

In FY 2011, its budget will balloon 27%, or by Hr. 292,856,700 ($36,822,962), to Hr. 1,343,862,300 ($168,973,394).

Now what about the Administration of the President? Wanna see the color of his money?

FY 2011: Hr. 204,743,300 ($25,743,835)
FY 2010: Hr. 131,968,700 ($16,593,366)

That’s just one ambiguous presidential line item. The other two items, maintenance and foreign travel:

FY 2011: Hr. 107,396,200 ($13,503,690)
FY 2010: Hr. 131,968,700 ($16,593,366)

FY 2011: Hr. 29,151,500 ($3,665,426)
FY 2010: Hr. 26,526,300 ($3,335,340)

So whatta we got?

$42.9M for Yanukovych (FY 2011) v. $12.4M for Bush (FY 2007).

You’d think Ukraine’s GDP per capita beats that of the U.S. by a factor of 3.45.

Oh no...

Nominal GDP per capita: Ukraine ($2,600) v. U.S. ($46,400)

Special thanks to the IMF for your continued support!

Your last standby program caught us in Nov. 2008, when we had a population of 46,200,000. As of Sept. 1, 2010, we still had 45,831,400 left.

Can we downsize it to, say, 25 million over the next two decades?

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/145718/yanukovich_effekt_ot_sokrascheniya_gosslujaschih_nastupit_ne_skoro_nado_snachala_nakormit_uvolennyh_chinovnikov_video
http://inter.ua
http://news.dt.ua/news/73777
http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d09305.pdf
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/20249/person_id/1.phtml

Protesters Out, Yolka In (Yanukovych Speaketh)

2010-12-06T12:30:00.007+02:00

Perimeter secured!

Ever wonder who stole that tent city? And why?

Yanukovych: Because the rule of law...uh...abiding...by the laws of Ukraine is compulsory for all. Today...in Kyiv, they’re already setting up, on the very spot where the protesters’ tents stood yesterday...uh...today, they’re already setting up the New Year...[struggles with Ukrainian, settles for Russian]...YOLKA [tree], and very-very soon people will start celebrating the New Year.

In other words, “Sapogi dorogu znayut. The boots know the road.”

So does the yolka, the New Year tree. It makes people happy and protesters scarce.

Happy New Year, Mr. YanukovGrinch!

Sources:
http://nedotorkani.com/yanukovych-yolka
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/20821.phtml
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/144703/yanukovich_i_elka2_versiya_usovershenstvovana_podskazkami_prezidentu_video
http://dpua.info
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/144890/yanukovich_i_elka_skorost_mysli_prezidenta_ravna_skorosti_bega_chempiona_mira_video

Police Trash Anti-Tax Code Protesters' Camp

2010-12-03T09:53:00.013+02:00

After concessions, a crackdown!

Democracy, Yanukovych-style.

Police state Україна (Ukraine)

Happy New Year, Mr. President!

Police arrested up to 10 protesters (1 ended up in the hospital).

Visit Mustafa Nayem's blog for more crackdown pics.

And yes, Yanukovych called the crackdown “democratic.”

He knows what he's talking about.

I've been dreaming of this for six years.

Democracy was dismantled here.

Pics from Olena Bilozerska's post-crackdown report.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2010/12/3/5640009/
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/nayem/4cf89721a73ef/
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/144341/razgon_mayidanazachitali_sudebnoe_reshenie_i_nachali_varvarski_hamski_vse_krushit_i_lomat_video
http://5.ua
http://tsn.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/20738.phtml
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2010/12/3/5641834/
http://bilozerska.livejournal.com/341509.html

Yanukovych Admits to Giving Bribes?

2010-12-01T13:45:00.004+02:00

He minces pockets. But he doesn’t mince words.

Yanukovych: They’re rubber-stamping permits and licenses...and they’ve got regions, business, entrepreneurs and industrialists standing in line. [...] I’ll tell you, I’ve been in that line too. I would never come to Kyiv...alone. Because I didn’t have enough hands. And when we flew...when I flew by plane, two or three [entourage] cars would follow.

Thank you for sharing, Uncle Vitya! Has logistics improved since then?

I mean look at Uncle Lyosha. He looks like he could use a hand.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/180746.html
http://www.1tv.com.ua
http://www.expres.ua/main/2010/06/10/37753

Yanukovych: 'I Will Give 5-Year Tax Breaks to All Small Businesses'

2010-11-25T19:21:00.007+02:00

Read his lips again.

Presidential candidate Yanukovych: Taxes should be lowered...most notably, by a factor of three, for enterprises where new jobs are created and high tech is introduced. I will give 5-year tax breaks to all small businesses and will exempt...small businesses...from registration fees and all permits paperwork.

How's that for a stump speech/campaign promise?

So here's my Thanksgiving message. (Skip to 40:30.)

Yes, I can see! Great General, I will work harder at the salt mines to get more salt to bring you more happiness. Thank you very much!

Sources:
http://maidan.org.ua/static/news/2010/1290156126.html
http://politiko.com.ua/blogpost46921
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGjme04H5VE
http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/9687/yanuk.gif
http://vimeo.com/17185078
http://www.nationalgeographic.com
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/18626/person_id/1.phtml

Anti-Tax Code Protests Gain Momentum

2010-11-25T14:48:00.005+02:00

It ain't over.

Police keep blocking Kyiv-bound buses and threatening to remove the Maidan camp. Yet people keep coming.

The government has made a lame attempt at negotiations. With a slightly stronger showing in Kyiv, protests continue all over Ukraine.

That includes Yanukovych strongholds: Donetsk, Kharkiv, Dnipropetrovsk and Odesa.

More Anti-Tax Code Protests As Orange Revolution Turns 6

2010-11-22T17:18:00.006+02:00

Back to square one.

We're nowhere as big as 6 years ago.

But we're in the right place, at the right time.

Tymoshenko back in vogue?

Her plan: Petition Yanukovych to veto the tax code.

Meanwhile, a court bans rallies in downtown Kyiv Nov. 22-26.

That's the same court that never banned pro-Yanukovych rallies.

The police that protected Yanukovych are now threatening his opponents.